Friday, April 27, 2012

Ouch

I fell down this week. Not literally, though my near collision with my tennis partner came close, but as a parent. Eion has/continues to be/is challenging. We've had some recurring problems that seem never closer to any sort of resolution and which are infinitely frustrating. This week had An Incident and I was pissed. Very pissed.

Eion was shipped up to his room to get ready for bed, an hour early, but only after cleaning his room while receiving a lecture about his unacceptable behavior. Lemme tell ya, I was rolling.

After he was dispositioned, I was seething and trying not to cry with frustration when the girls came in to ask, for the third time that night, for help with the tv. Now I should wear it as some sort of badge of honor that my children, in this day and age, are incapable of operating a television but I had fully derailed by this point and was Not In The Mood.

I fixed the tv but with a heavy dose of sternness [read: yelling] about how I was completely done fixing the tv and any further trips to see me would result in little girls being shipped off to bed right that very minute.

Completing the task, I returned upstairs to discuss E-action plans to fix the problem, which were largely weak and in which I have little hope. Since I was pretty yelly, I thought I would let Mags stay up a bit late . When I went, at 9, to send her on her way, Morrigan told me she had vacated the premises quite some time ago and put herself to bed, crying.

I hadn't even noticed.

In her room, I found her asleep, thumb in her mouth, looking so small and young and fragile. And I felt like a complete failure.

She didn't look quite that small but damn close.

Morrigan (who generally cares less about what we think) was downstairs and I questioned her about Mags. She told me, "Well, she was really upset about all the, you know, yelling." 

Just when I thought I could not feel worse.

I hugged her and told Morrigan how very sorry I was, how I took my Eion-fueled frustrations out on them, and how wrong I was to do so. The next morning I did the same with Maggie. She was quick to forgive and return to being the sunniest child ever which somehow made it even worse as though I maybe should have been punished for my transgressions. 

And neither girl seems to be the grudge holding type, something that is really fortunate for their imperfect Mom.

1 comment:

  1. We all have our sucky moments. I have a very forgiving bunch as well. Resilience is a good quality to have. You are lucky to have the sunniest girl in the world. And Eion has a funny hairdo in your latest picture, FYI. So sunny and funny have to keep you feeling proud.

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