Eion was shipped up to his room to get ready for bed, an hour early, but only after cleaning his room while receiving a lecture about his unacceptable behavior. Lemme tell ya, I was rolling.
After he was dispositioned, I was seething and trying not to cry with frustration when the girls came in to ask, for the third time that night, for help with the tv. Now I should wear it as some sort of badge of honor that my children, in this day and age, are incapable of operating a television but I had fully derailed by this point and was Not In The Mood.
I fixed the tv but with a heavy dose of sternness [read: yelling] about how I was completely done fixing the tv and any further trips to see me would result in little girls being shipped off to bed right that very minute.
Completing the task, I returned upstairs to discuss E-action plans to fix the problem, which were largely weak and in which I have little hope. Since I was pretty yelly, I thought I would let Mags stay up a bit late . When I went, at 9, to send her on her way, Morrigan told me she had vacated the premises quite some time ago and put herself to bed, crying.
I hadn't even noticed.
In her room, I found her asleep, thumb in her mouth, looking so small and young and fragile. And I felt like a complete failure.
She didn't look quite that small but damn close.
Morrigan (who generally cares less about what we think) was downstairs and I questioned her about Mags. She told me, "Well, she was really upset about all the, you know, yelling."
Just when I thought I could not feel worse.
I hugged her and told Morrigan how very sorry I was, how I took my Eion-fueled frustrations out on them, and how wrong I was to do so. The next morning I did the same with Maggie. She was quick to forgive and return to being the sunniest child ever which somehow made it even worse as though I maybe should have been punished for my transgressions.
And neither girl seems to be the grudge holding type, something that is really fortunate for their imperfect Mom.